Wednesday, February 27, 2008

fat kids

The promised food post for my hungry friends


Goulash and sausage. I honestly eat sausage everyday. Pigs have never been so good to eat.


Potato dumplings with pork and spinach inside, and fried eidam cheese with mayo dipping sauce. I love it. Anyone who diets is a bitch.


Espresso or coffee everyday.


Sometimes salty crepes


Rarely hot chocolate.


Honey cake is good.


Cakes I'm always tempted to buy. (stole'd from Laureneeee)


At the local cafe/pastry shop I go to regularly. I've been taking risks hoping it will be right sometime. You think it looks good, but you're mistaken. what looks like chocolate really isn't.


But today was a success! Roloda čokoláda with a latte for a total of 48 crowns. Meaning $2.70 US. Bitch.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Once again I'm cornered by competent people
I can feel their confidence and conviction bore into my weaknesses
I'm jealous
because that's all I want too
To be guided by a blinding faith or passion, even for a short split second
Just enough for a decision to be made and an action to be taken
And I can't get over the insincerity of art
To process the act of living into a tangible language--it's almost sacrilegious.



I had my first life drawing class last week
The first time I've drawn anything in years to be honest
And I was met by towering drawing boards twice the size of me, armored by smug white sheets of paper
But I think I was fine,
because drawing brainlessly, dispassionately and pointlessly is probably right up my alley
I've lived my life half dead for so long, just give me something to do.
Quarter-life crisis
Duh

Sunday, February 24, 2008

since 12 days ago

I've found little things to appreciate about here
Like how people offer their seats to the elderly on the tram
Dogs without leashes
People rollerblading in Letna Park on a nice day, or just in general
Tram 18
Packing my lunch to school
Soft bread with soft cheese

I'm starting to socialize, sort of, although it's all been so quick. "Speed-dating" as someone coined it. Everything I knew before seems like a dream. Every time I hear a familiar voice from home I start tearing up like a bitch.







Laurene came to visit and save me last weekend. It's scary to think how I would've been without her. Probably less cold, less poor and less sane.














At the Vietnamese flea market where we were chased down by Asian men desperate for brethren. I should've brought her to the gypsy market instead.


















Thinking there's nothing wrong with taking pictures of dirt.

























Walking with me to school through Letna Park



















Instead of clubbbbbin, we spent Friday night in a bookstore/cafe. It was amazing.

















Our weekend revolved around sausage.
























Printmaking and book arts show we stumbled upon.




































































Buying baked goods at a vintage market held by MICA-like students in a MICA-like apartment



Went to Kutna Hora, an hour outside of Prague, to see the Church of Bones at Sedlec Ossuary.

















































































It was amazing to leave the city for the countryside.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

I still don't know what to say. I could upload photos, but right now they mean nothing to me. Prague is beautiful. Prague is Prague.

My mood fluctuates so much between okay and not okay that I don't know what to believe anymore about myself, so for now I'll settle as nothing.
I muffle my anxiety with simple chores: cleaning, organizing, taping pictures into a neat evenly spaced line.
I rearrange my room daily instead of rearranging my thoughts. Words are dammed in my throat because they're choked on emotions that I don't care to speak of nor understand. I read every night before bed because I'd rather think about other people's triumphs and failures than my own.

I fantasize about somewhere where nobody knows me, nobody talks to me, just passes a smile and a nod in my direction and returns to ignoring me. School is nice because I can watch everyone discuss heatedly in Czech, it's nice to see bustling human life and not have to know the rest of their (ugly) natures. I'm disappointed when they interrupt their conversation and shift to English just to include me.
I want mountains again.
And I want to find a place within this place.


But where are you?
By the way, that's Letna Park, I walk through it every morning to school. I try to walk to school everyday by myself to at least start the day in peace.

I'll post a few pictures because that's why you're here, not to read my rambling.











My school is the yellow building with the red roof to the left.

oops I uploaded a picture similar to this. not going to upload another.












Across from my school


















In other news, an Abdul Haleem from Afghanistan is trying to call and chat with me through Skype, and I don't understand how he got my username and why me.

Abdul Haleem
12:35 AM
my name is haleem from afghanistan
12:37 AM
hey
12:38 AM
are you ther
12:40 AM
what you decided
12:40 AM
want to have chat
12:41 AM
especially sex
12:41 AM
or escape of here
12:41 AM
2 options you ahve
12:41 AM
i dont have experience in sex so give me some information

Who's playing a joke on me?

Sunday, February 10, 2008

i don't know how to answer when people ask me how is prague.
this has been something i've been needing and wanting for the past few years. time alone in my head for things to make sense
last night we went to the pub again, met all these new people
i have been okay at small talk
i have been okay at being friendly
but even with beer in hand (i'm so cool) smiling and nodding
inside i am going
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i still don't know what i want. i thought this would be the answer-all
i'm looking for this again


and i have this

but there is too much clutter to understand. so, i cleaned my room today, but nothing happened.

ummm. prague?

So I'm here. Have been for the past three days. I've been avoiding writing anything about it, because I don't actually believe that I'm in Prague. I'm still where I've always been except I don't understand anyone and anything around me.

For all the bitching I did at Sean for not packing ahead of time, or bringing just two duffel bags, I was tenfold worse. First off, I quit my jobs two days before leaving, assuming that it was enough time, when in fact, it definitely wasn't. I received a call from the Czech Embassy that my visa was finally done even though they led me to believe I couldn't get it until after my school started (February 12). That's when it hit me that in 24 hours I would be in a plane to Prague, and I had no idea where I was going to sleep come Thursday night. I'm smart.

Wednesday/Thursday
I woke up Wednesday morning and thought to myself that there was no way I was actually going to Prague that day come 7pm. And I was pretty much right, because my flight was delayed until 11pm, which resulted in missing my connecting flight in Frankfurt by 5 minutes. They almost didn't let me board the plane to Prague because of visa complications. Patrick told me to just wait for him until he got there in March.

Despite all my flight complications, I think the cherry topping to my day was riding public transportation to my school hostel. First off, whatever attempt at learning the Czech language pretty much proved to be useless. Second off, chasing after buses in the airport with two huge suitcases in tow was mildly embarrassing--constantly losing my shoe in the process was more so. Trying to figure out how to transfer to tram 26 at Dejvice metro station was not so hard, just riding the elevator to below ground was painful because it smelled like someone had shat in the corner. Then trying to haul my luggage up the stairs again and then onto tram...Pretty much, I relied on nice (huge!!!) Czech men everywhere. I missed my tram stop because I was too slow with my stupid suitcases and the doors shut on me. When I finally got off the tram I just wandered the streets in the dark looking for the dormitory because of all the delays. Thankfully, I am studying in Prague, not Baltimore.

And then I found out the next day that I was the only retard who didn't shell out the money to take a taxi.

Friday
I met up with a girl from MICA, and her two American flatmates from Carnegie Mellon. The moment I saw Micaela she immediately instructed that we are going out to night. Sure, okay, why not. I made a pledge to myself that I would amend whatever antisocial habits I have. (Like eating out by myself the first night I was in Prague, because I thought I was badass. Then whatever confident feelings I had dissipated when I was a complete American idiot trying to order off the menu. I felt even more alienated when the only one drinking a non-alcoholic beverage.)

I don't remember anything worth mentioning that night, just local bars in Praha 7. You know, we're in Europe, so we get wasted every night because we're so college. In Europe. woooo oo oooo ooo 000oo

Saturday
I woke up early that day because I had to go buy a SIM card down the road, and I wanted to walk around by myself. Down the street from our dorm there's a ridiculous church. Just. ridiculous. I still think when I'm walking around and looking at all the buildings that it must be a joke. too beautiful. actually we are only 15 minutes away from Prague Castle. I remember glancing at it when getting off the tram, and thinking "Disneyland???"

Then I met up with Micaela and Ali and explored Old Town Square and the Jewish Quarter, which was super pretty and super touristy. We found our school (Uměleckoprůmyslová škola v Praze, or Umprům for short) which is located right next to Charles Bridge and the river facing the Castle. Sooooo pretty.

even though we're outside the center in Praha 7, I think Prague is still a small city where as so many things are in walking distance. And the weather has been nice, so it's been great because of that.

At night we just went to the same bar again, this time with two more American guys, more Spaniards, a very nice German boy who spoke the best English, and a very....passionate Greek boy. and by passionate I mean grilling me about the state of America for at least 15 minutes. He was talking to the wrong person. It was nice, but I retired to the dorm with the two other American girls Amanda and Ali by 1 am. Which apparently is way too early for European standards. the Spanish girls said that people usually stay out until 7 am--1 am is when things start going. I don't know if I can to get used to that.

Either way, us three ended up staying up to 4 am talking about books, architecture and process, which really cheered me up because I was starting to feel weird about going out the past few days.

Sunday
Went to the grocery store, went Letna Park by us. We walk through Letna park to get to the center city and to school, which is nice. The view after the park of main Prague before crossing the bridge is unreal.

And then we came back, and I ran into people in the stairwell and chatted briefly before escaping out of pure social awkwardness. I can only handle big groups and small talk for so long until I freak out. I'm so cool.

Well hopefully tonight I'll get to relax and read tonight. School starts tomorrow.

Congratulations if you actually read this whole thing. I'll post pictures later.